The title of this blog comes from song lyrics that I heard many years ago by Switchfoot. And ever since the first time I heard it, these words have never left me. It makes so much sense. Although you might be standing in a shadow, that is direct evidence that the sun is still shining. I think that this is a great metaphor for my life right now. I am walking through some dark times. But I want these times to be evidence of the sun, and the bright glory of the Lord. And so while this blog will be chronicling some sad times in my life, I pray that it is also a testament to God, and a reminder of the good times in the midst of the shadows.

"I have said these things that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have troubles. But take heart, I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

Friday, September 2, 2011

Curses to Blessings


As I’ve been looking at this next chapter in my life, I started to think about where I want to go with my blog. I don’t want this to turn into a list of my daily activities, or become a monotonous update solely for every time that I have scans. So, over the next few weeks, I have decided that I want to write some reflections about things that cancer has taught me. Please keep in mind that I am still learning a lot of the things that I want to write about.  I don’t want to ever come across like any of this is easy, or like I have my whole life in order. Because let me assure you, that is never the case. But I feel like I have been reflecting a lot recently, and I think that it is important for me to begin to convey some of my thoughts on this blog. Sometimes it is easy for me to get bogged down in the day-to-day, or the overall struggle of it all, and I think that some reflection will allow me to focus on the blessings that have come in spite of this all. So, keep checking back for future updates!
I have been struggling a bit recently, because I took a pretty bad fall during Orientation Week, leaving my bad in terrible pain for weeks. It has also required me to have a ton of doctors’ appointments that I did not expect to have, and that along with all the schoolwork I have has been stressful. I try to remind myself that it was so much worse last year at this time, but that only makes the days a bit easier in the present. I am hoping that soon I will be able to get into a stable routine here, which will help.
But despite some hard things, the Lord has been so cool recently. I feel like He has been placing people in my life to encourage me, and that He has really been using little things in my days to remind me that He loves me. The night that I fell during Orientation Week was actually amazing. Orientation Staff had been doing a Field Fest for the freshmen, getting them to do a lot of fun games and helping them have fun and get to know each other. I fell at the very end of the night, and immediately knew it was bad. I was really struggling, and in a whole lot of pain. My legs were completely numb, so I was walking around to try to regain feeling. I was honestly worried that I could have fractured my back, or that I would possibly have to go to the hospital, although I was trying not to show it. And as I turned around to walk back to my friends on Orientation Staff, I saw them all gathered in a huddle, praying. To see a group of Christian and non-Christian college students immediately begin to pray was unbelievable. Where in the world will you truly find a group of people whose first instinct is to pray when bad things happen? I know that I do not do that enough. I had not yet cried from the pain, but that sight just broke me. It was so powerful, and touching.
I felt like that exact moment was the Lord giving me a glimpse of something bigger.  Maybe bad things happen simply to push people to prayer. Maybe that is why we often feel so helpless and why life is so hard. To remind us that we can’t fix everything on our own.  It was a major reminder to me that my plans aren’t always the best plans. I would have never chosen to fall, but the Lord had bigger things planned for that night. It is crazy to think about.

“However the Lord your God would not listen to [evil] but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.” –Deuteronomy 23:5 (I just flipped to this verse when looking for a verse to end this post with. How great is that?)