As I’ve been looking at this next chapter in my life, I started to think about where I want to go with my blog. I don’t want this to turn into a list of my daily activities, or become a monotonous update solely for every time that I have scans. So, over the next few weeks, I have decided that I want to write some reflections about things that cancer has taught me. Please keep in mind that I am still learning a lot of the things that I want to write about. I don’t want to ever come across like any of this is easy, or like I have my whole life in order. Because let me assure you, that is never the case. But I feel like I have been reflecting a lot recently, and I think that it is important for me to begin to convey some of my thoughts on this blog. Sometimes it is easy for me to get bogged down in the day-to-day, or the overall struggle of it all, and I think that some reflection will allow me to focus on the blessings that have come in spite of this all. So, keep checking back for future updates!
I have been struggling a bit recently, because I took a pretty bad fall during Orientation Week, leaving my bad in terrible pain for weeks. It has also required me to have a ton of doctors’ appointments that I did not expect to have, and that along with all the schoolwork I have has been stressful. I try to remind myself that it was so much worse last year at this time, but that only makes the days a bit easier in the present. I am hoping that soon I will be able to get into a stable routine here, which will help.
But despite some hard things, the Lord has been so cool recently. I feel like He has been placing people in my life to encourage me, and that He has really been using little things in my days to remind me that He loves me. The night that I fell during Orientation Week was actually amazing. Orientation Staff had been doing a Field Fest for the freshmen, getting them to do a lot of fun games and helping them have fun and get to know each other. I fell at the very end of the night, and immediately knew it was bad. I was really struggling, and in a whole lot of pain. My legs were completely numb, so I was walking around to try to regain feeling. I was honestly worried that I could have fractured my back, or that I would possibly have to go to the hospital, although I was trying not to show it. And as I turned around to walk back to my friends on Orientation Staff, I saw them all gathered in a huddle, praying. To see a group of Christian and non-Christian college students immediately begin to pray was unbelievable. Where in the world will you truly find a group of people whose first instinct is to pray when bad things happen? I know that I do not do that enough. I had not yet cried from the pain, but that sight just broke me. It was so powerful, and touching.
I felt like that exact moment was the Lord giving me a glimpse of something bigger. Maybe bad things happen simply to push people to prayer. Maybe that is why we often feel so helpless and why life is so hard. To remind us that we can’t fix everything on our own. It was a major reminder to me that my plans aren’t always the best plans. I would have never chosen to fall, but the Lord had bigger things planned for that night. It is crazy to think about.
“However the Lord your God would not listen to [evil] but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.” –Deuteronomy 23:5 (I just flipped to this verse when looking for a verse to end this post with. How great is that?)
Perrin, your continued, inspiring to SO many, and growing faith reminds me of a Bible passage that you live so faithfully... and remind us to do so as well. Thank you.
ReplyDelete"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me" (1 Tim 1:8-12).
I've been thinking on Psalm 139 a lot recently. Verse 16 reads, "Your eyes saw my unformed body;
ReplyDeleteall the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
I am so comforted to realize that God has seen what was not yet and has written of what is to be. As I pray for you, too, I am thankful for His love that hems you in!!