This past month has been crazy, with Spring Break, midterms, and tons of other school things as the year comes to an end. I haven't been on any medicine since January, so it has been wonderful having the past few weeks to feel well. The first two months of this semester I was still feeling miserable because of the long-lasting effects of the medicine, but for this past month, I have been feeling practically normal! It is fantastic, and has allowed me to do fun things like a normal college student, and to really take advantage of the beautiful spring weather. So while all the past few weeks have been packed with school work, they have also been filled with joyful occasions, like dances, intramural games, and lots of Kappa Delta events.
And so while there have definitely been hard days, and even hard weeks, overall, it has a joyful past few weeks. There is a freedom that comes with not having to take horrible medicine everyday.
But pretty soon I am going to have to decide what the next step will be. I can't continue to stay on the original medicine, because it was too hard on my body. So either I will choose to find a new medicine to try, or to stay off medicine until something happens.
People's first instinct is usually that of course I should do the most aggressive option, and stay on medicine, but unfortunately, it is not that simple. Finding a new medicine means weeks and months of trial and error with dosage, feeling constantly sick, and numerous doctors appointments. And the doctors have told me that eventually the cancer will spread, even with the most aggressive treatments. The medicine will just hold it off longer. So starting on a new medicine means committing to months of feeling miserable.
But if I were to stay off of medicine until there is a spread, I would have time to feel practically normal. And then I could go on the aggressive treatments when something changes. It just means that the spread could happen sooner.
It is just a hard decision because there is no right answer. There are pros and cons to both choices. All I know now is that I love how I have felt the past few weeks, and I want this to last as long as possible. So that is what I have been thinking about this past week, and what I will hopefully make a decision on in this coming week. It is just feels like a very adult decision for me to be making.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" Isaiah 30:21
Perrin,
ReplyDeleteJust know we will be fervently praying for wisdom beyond your years for you. And that God does what only HE can do and stops any further spread! Much love,
Bill and Dorenda White
Miss Perrin you've got the best guidance anyone could dream of with your faith.
ReplyDeleteSending love and prayers always!
Dear Perrin, I have no doubt that you are familiar with this verse; still, I feel nudged to type out the "new living" promise that I am praying it for you especially this week.
ReplyDelete"Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:4-5
Thank you, Perrin, for giving us the honor of joining you on this journey, through your beautiful blog. Love, Annhorner
Praying unceasingly, Perrin. You have been whiplashed into making decisions that are "more adult than most adults"! And you have, in Christ, been proven faithful again and again.
ReplyDeleteStay in prayer, in family, in wise counsel.
So far, there are few better examples IN YOU... of one of my all time favs:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Dt31:6)
P, you are so strong. I will be constantly in prayer for strength, wisdom, and peace of mind. I pray trust will give you peace, love will give you hope, and wisdom will give you an answer.
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Psalm 139
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
"O Lord, send out Your Light and Truth; let them lead us." Psalm 43:3
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