LDOC

Today is my last day of classes, and I am amazed. I survived through a year of school with cancer. In the beginning, I remember that everyone thought I was crazy. Parents in Richmond would shake their heads with worry when I told them I was returning to Furman. When we met with my doctor before I left for school, he looked my parents right in the eyes and told them, “If she was my daughter, I would not let her go back to school.”

But I went anyway. Despite all the looks and discouragement, I went. And praise the Lord that I did. Because this year has been filled with blessings. There have been incredibly challenging moments. Nights of studying when I honestly didn’t think I could make it. Doctor’s appointments where I just wanted to go home. Tears of frustration. But through it all there has been joy. There have been moments where I have been so happy, I felt like my heart would burst. There have been moments when I forget I have cancer. And that has made all the difference.

“Let love be genuine…Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer.” –Romans 12:9, 12

Easter Memories

Happy Easter! What an encouraging day. I spent the day at Hope Church and with my family, which was perfect. The weather was beautiful, and it was wonderful to be surrounded by so many people I love.

I also couldn’t help but think about where I was this time last year. I feel like I do this a lot now. Since it has been more than one year, I am constantly being reminded of where I was last year, what surgery I was having, or how sick I was.

Today I was constantly reminded of how far I’ve come.  Easter was early last year, and so I had only been out of the hospital a few weeks after surgery to remove my kidney. And I was in bad shape. I was incredibly sick and exhausted, unable to keep down a single meal or do any physical activity. I was still taking a ridiculous amount of painkillers, which were hardly helping, and were only making me more sick everyday. Last year I was unable to go to church at all because I was too weak and exhausted to leave my house. The whole family came over for lunch though. Right as I was about to walk downstairs to see them, I got really sick, but still brushed my teeth and went down to see them anyway, despite feeling miserable. I remember that I could barely sit for forty-five minutes in a chair, before I had to be taken back upstairs to lie down again. Little did I know that I still had some of the hardest days ahead of me, with the surgery to put in my port, two weeks of radiation and numerous heart-wrenching doctors appointments. Even on such a joyous holiday, it didn’t feel like there was much worth celebrating.

But praise the Lord this Easter was different, and provided a stark contrast to the sadness of last year. Today I felt happy and alive. And it was powerful for me to sit back and realize what this day truly signifies.

Because of Christ, when we die it is not the end. I have cancer. But no matter what happens, I can rest in confidence knowing that everything will be okay. Christ defeated death, so that we don’t have to die forever or be afraid, because the battle has been won! 

“No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From life’s first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand, til He returns, or calls me home, here in the love of Christ I’ll stand.”

So, when I become afraid or unsure, I can rest in faith and assurance that the Lord has already won. I will one day stand triumphant, with no more cancer, or sickness, or tears, and the world will be new and beautiful. And whether that day is soon or far in the future, I do not know. But in the midst of the chaos and pain, what I do know is that God is good, and God is victorious. Praise the Lord. 

“Death is swallowed up in victory. Oh death, where is your victory? Oh death where is your sting?” -1 Corinthians 15: 54-55

Simply Beautiful

Despite all the work I've had as the semester comes to an end, it is amazing to just walk around campus and watch as everything blooms! It is simply beautiful. 

This is my all-time favorite view of Furman. So beautiful!
Tomorrow I am heading home for Easter! I cannot wait to get a break from the incessant work, and to be at home for the first time since Christmas Break. It is such a happy season!

"Your God is present among you, a strong warrior there to save you. Happy to have your back, He'll calm you with His love and delight you with His songs." Zephaniah 3:17

Rarely Used Phrases

Life has been really good the past few weeks. Wow, how often do I get to start a post like that? It is wonderful. As the seasons are changing, and everything is in bloom, I have felt this newfound energy and joy. I could not be more excited and overjoyed at the warm weather, beautiful flowers, and spring days. This semester is coming to a close so quickly, and I feel like time has flown!
I talked to my doctor the other week, and it was great (also a rare thing for me to ever say). She agreed with  me that I should not go back on medicine until it is absolutely necessary. So we decided that I will not go on any type of intense medicine again until my cancer spreads. Which is wonderful. I don't know when my cancer will spread, but until it does, I am free.
I have scans in a few weeks, and if they show that nothing has changed, then I will automatically have the next three months free of medicine! I am still trying to figure out my summer plans, but that would open up so many opportunities if I do not have to worry about medicine each day. I am praying that the scans are good, and that I can have more months of freedom.
I am trying to really take advantage of these days. With this past year, I have gotten this newfound urgency in life. I want to experience everything, and I don't want to waste a single day. I don't ever want to look back on the days that I felt well, and wonder why I didn't use them. So even though these weeks are intensely busy as the semester is ending, I am trying to also pack them with fun and adventures.
I have more moments now when I forget that I have cancer. This whole past year those moments have been few and far between, mainly because I have always been feeling sick. Being sick or being in pain has always been a nagging reminder that something isn't quite right. But now, with most of the pain gone and the sickness subsided, there are moments when I can forget. And when I feel like any other normal college girl. And I love that.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills- Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber... The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life." -Psalm 121:1-3, 6-7