The title of this blog comes from song lyrics that I heard many years ago by Switchfoot. And ever since the first time I heard it, these words have never left me. It makes so much sense. Although you might be standing in a shadow, that is direct evidence that the sun is still shining. I think that this is a great metaphor for my life right now. I am walking through some dark times. But I want these times to be evidence of the sun, and the bright glory of the Lord. And so while this blog will be chronicling some sad times in my life, I pray that it is also a testament to God, and a reminder of the good times in the midst of the shadows.

"I have said these things that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have troubles. But take heart, I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tired...


Today has been a challenge for me. Over the past few days since I started chemo, I have slowly felt myself wearing down, and becoming more tired, but today I just hit a wall. Even after sleeping in, I awoke feeling as if I had bricks on my shoulders, weighing me down. It was a struggle to even get out of bed. And knowing that I had another busy day of Orientation ahead of me made me want to cry.

One of the main reasons that I wanted to come back to school (other than to see all of my friends) was that I wanted so desperately to feel like a normal kid again. But my chemo and growing fatigue have served as a daily reminder that I am not exactly normal. I wanted to live life to the full while I was here, watch the sunrise, be with my friends constantly, and distract myself from the cancer. But so far, that has not been possible. I am so tired at the end of each day that I can barely make it to my bed.  

What does it mean to live life to the fullest? Maybe for me right now means something different than what I had pictured. Maybe it is more of enjoying the moments that I have with my friends, and finding joy in everyday, even if it is hard. I think I am still figuring it out. It is so easy for me to get frustrated, and only see my limitations, rather than remember how far I have come.

Hopefully my body will get more used to the medicine, and I will get stronger as the days go by. Classes start on Thursday, which I am excited for, and which will get me in a good routine.

“Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
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1 comment:

  1. elizabeth childreyAugust 24, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    Perrin, you are amazing. You have an incredible ability to paint feelings with words and to take a hard situation and find the sunshine. I am praying that God will reveal His "new normal" for you - and in that discovery, I so cherish your honesty and vulnerability -- it is a help to all - we are all right now on this journey of life and it looks a bit different for each of us, but your willingness to share has helped put a bit of perspective on my own journey. I wish I could send some of my energy your way --- but at least know it is coming by prayer. Love you and have a great 1st day of school. Liz

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