The exhaustion hasn't left. I finished my cycle on Monday, and even though I am no longer taking the medicine, I feel like I am only getting worse. And I haven't been eating or sleeping well, which doesn't help. For three weeks now, I have felt simply miserable. The longer this fatigue lasts, the more I get frustrated. I hate that I have felt sick almost the whole time that I've been home. It has made it so much harder to relax and enjoy the vacation.
I laugh because when I tell people I am tired, the most common response is for people to say, "Oh, me too." And I can only laugh... There is no word strong enough to explain this extreme exhaustion.
I go back to Furman on Sunday and start classes on Monday. And I am so excited to be back at school, seeing friends, and getting back into routine. But I am also worried about starting the semester feeling so sick. I guess it is no different than me being so sick last semester, though. It will just be hard.
When I get this tired, I get so frustrated that this is happening. Frustrated that I am not like everyone else around me. Frustrated that to get well, I first have to take medicine that makes me so sick. Frustrated that this time last year, I was planning my study abroad in France and my summer adventures. Frustrated by my limitations. And frustrated that nothing is ever easy. Basically, my physical exhaustion quickly leads to emotional exhaustion. And together, they're a one-two punch.
I hate writing posts like this, because I feel like it makes people so worried about me. I will be okay. But for now, I feel exhausted and frustrated. But hopefully this new semester will be a new start entirely, and that I will be able to start fresh and awake! And I want to write posts like this so that I can push myself to be honest, and not sugarcoat reality. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
But on the bright side, it is snowing!
"Consider it pure joy, my friends, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3
I am so thankful to hear how you REALLY are. Sugarcoating is pointless. Thank you for your honesty. It just does stink to feel like that.
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your honesty and I can't imagine what you're going through. Know that you are constantly in my prayers.
ReplyDelete~Abby Schreiner
So sorry you're feeling so low, Perrin. Praying always for you. Hope your getting back to school, your AWESOME fellow Furmanites, will LIFT, LIFT, LIFT your spirits and your feeling so yucky too. All love and blessings from up norht. JohnDoz
ReplyDeleteI am asking God to send His ministering angels to you. To give you strength that you need, strength that it not of your own. You realize the difference from being tired and exhausted and the completely drained feeling that you have from being sick, etc... God knows these things too. He cares and knows your deepest longings.
ReplyDeleteI am so humbled by your sharing these feelings. These posts are for you, so when you are not up to writing, don't feel guilty.
I feel saddened to know that you are suffering, but knowing this leads me to pray for you to the One who cares and the One who can help you.
Again, thank you for sharing, when you are able. It helps others know how to pray for you.
Thank you for your honesty. I pray God rewards you with grace and strength to face each moment.