This past week has been really hard. About a week ago, I started feeling better for the first time in six weeks. But right as soon as I began to feel better, other things started messing up. As soon as I began to feel awake during the day, I stopped sleeping well at night. And yesterday I had to spend the whole day in bed sick with a fever and migraine. I'm all better now, but exhausted.
I also received some hard news a few days ago. Because of having to drop out last spring and having to underload this whole year, I am now behind academically. My academic advisor told me that unless I want to completely run myself into the ground, there is no way that I will be able to finish all of my classes in time. The scheduling is all complicated, but my advisor told me that I will have to graduate in spring 2013, instead of spring 2012. It was very hard for me to hear. I've always pictured myself graduating with my class, and walking across that stage with all of my friends. But no matter how much I want that, that door has been closed for me now. And that is really hard.
I am not very good at handling when things don't go according to my plan. I like having a set schedule, and I like having some idea of what is coming next. But if this year has taught me anything, it is that I can't always plan my own future. I can set goals and have dreams, but I need to be willing to adjust when life takes an unexpected turn. It is a tough lesson to learn from experience when you are only twenty-one.
When I was venting to my roommate after finding out this news, she reminded me of a wonderful story. The story of Joseph. Joseph had everything going for him. And then all of a sudden, without warning, life turned on him. He was sold into slavery and thrown in jail. The dreams he had pictured for his life were destroyed, and doors were closed. But in the end, all of that bad stuff happened so that God could fulfill His amazing purpose for Joseph. And all the negative circumstances of his life allowed Joseph to rise to be a picture of triumph. Joseph could have never imagined the plan God had for him. But in the end, it all worked out.
So even though it feels like everything has been falling apart this past year, I have to believe that there is a plan behind it all. And to be honest, sometimes that is really hard for me to believe that when life around me seems so painful and chaotic. But there is a plan. And maybe, like Joseph, I have to go through the hard times to be led to the plan God has for me that I never could have imagined.
"Be on your guard; stand firm in faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." -1 Corinthians 16:13-14
i can sense the wise words of stephanie from anywhere. praying for you, perrin, and truly believe you have your own joseph story in the making.
ReplyDeletePerrin,
ReplyDeleteI know you are disappointed about not graduating with your class and see it as a defeat of your goals. But you have faced, endured, overcome, and accomplished far beyond your classmates, and this additional sacrifice is another testimony to your exceptional courage, determination, and trust faithfully put to the test. I KNOW God has great blessing in store for you and great plans to influence others through you as you walk this unchosen path. Much love and continued prayers. dorenda white
In the scope of your life this set back will eventually feel minor (hard to see now, I know) and just think, you'll now have the loving embrace of TWO class years to experience, and friends will remain friends no matter the year. Be patient with feeling good then bad then good. Unfortunately, I think that will be the norm for awhile and your acceptance, or ability to "roll with it" will make all the difference. All these emotions, feelings adjustments to expectation IS life, and you are doing a great job taking it all in!
ReplyDeletePerhaps there is/are some new friends God wants you to meet or rather, He has waiting for you to meet?! Only time will tell what is past the horizon where you are unable to see right now.
ReplyDeleteGod's timing is perfect. He is always "right on time."
I hope this encourages you. It is not meant to dismiss your feelings of disappointment by any means. You have wonderful friends, whom I am certain will remain friends with you past graduation.
hey girl. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the graduating a year behind thing. I was supposed to graduate LAST spring but instead will be doing so this May. So I am in year 5 right now. I know the feeling of wanting to control that part of life, and no matter what you do, you are under the control of someone else, BUT through my frustrations with school and not graduating, I have been able to enjoy one more year of growth and maturity and not have to enter the "work force" too early. So that is a positive thing to look at. But trust me, I have had my share of "why talks" with God. But the cool thing with Him is that I may never know why, but I know that I don't have to know why, because then I'll start to plan my own plans again. This way I am at the mercy of God.
ReplyDeleteHe has made everything beautiful in its time-
ReplyDeleteEcc. 3:11