Tough Updates

Well, I guess as this year comes to an end, the time has finally come for another blog post. I was hoping that I would not have to use this anytime soon for updates on my scans. But things change quickly.

I had scans last Friday morning, two days before Christmas. That afternoon, the doctors called to say that they had found a recurrence near where I initially had surgery to remove my kidney.  I think it came as a shock to everyone. Cancer had started to seem more distant, and less daunting, and I was feeling perfectly healthy. Two days later was Christmas and my 22^nd birthday. Friday was definitely a hard day, but I feel like the Lord allowed me and my family to still celebrate and be joyful on Christmas, and to put cancer out of our minds at least for a little bit.

On Tuesday, we went to the doctor to see what he would recommend as the next step. I was certain he would make me go back on the miserable chemo medicine at the very least, or even make me have radiation or tell me not to go back to school. But I was so encouraged that he said none of that. He said that the spot is small, and while it is not good news, it could be a lot worse. Compared to most kidney cancer cases, mine is spreading incredibly slowly. So we decided to hold off on the chemo medicine, and get scans in two months to see if there has been any change. If it has continued to spread, I will have to start the medicine.

So, the news was hard, but it could have been worse. I am glad that I am able to return to school, and that I can wait at least two months before taking more of the chemo medicine. At the same time, it is scary that the cancer has returned. If I think about it too much it makes me really sad. It is crazy how quickly all of my old thoughts and fears came flooding back upon hearing that it had spread. The future is just always so unknown, whether you have cancer or not.

But God is good. I know there is a reason, and that the timing is His timing, so I am trying to find peace in that knowledge. God is so much bigger than cancer, and His plan for my life is so much more beautiful than what I could plan for myself. And it is almost a new year, and who knows what wonderful things are yet to come! Despite this hard news, I am determined to live fully, and enjoy this upcoming semester at school. I want to make the most of this time I have free of medicine and feeling healthy. In a few days, I am going to the Passion Conference in Atlanta, which is a huge Christian conference for college students in the Georgia Dome. I am excited to see what the Lord teaches me there, and pray that it will encourage me and give me strength in these hard times.

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned… For to us a child is born, and to us a Son is given.” Isaiah 9:2,6

Curses to Blessings

As I’ve been looking at this next chapter in my life, I started to think about where I want to go with my blog. I don’t want this to turn into a list of my daily activities, or become a monotonous update solely for every time that I have scans. So, over the next few weeks, I have decided that I want to write some reflections about things that cancer has taught me. Please keep in mind that I am still learning a lot of the things that I want to write about.  I don’t want to ever come across like any of this is easy, or like I have my whole life in order. Because let me assure you, that is never the case. But I feel like I have been reflecting a lot recently, and I think that it is important for me to begin to convey some of my thoughts on this blog. Sometimes it is easy for me to get bogged down in the day-to-day, or the overall struggle of it all, and I think that some reflection will allow me to focus on the blessings that have come in spite of this all. So, keep checking back for future updates!

I have been struggling a bit recently, because I took a pretty bad fall during Orientation Week, leaving my bad in terrible pain for weeks. It has also required me to have a ton of doctors’ appointments that I did not expect to have, and that along with all the schoolwork I have has been stressful. I try to remind myself that it was so much worse last year at this time, but that only makes the days a bit easier in the present. I am hoping that soon I will be able to get into a stable routine here, which will help.

But despite some hard things, the Lord has been so cool recently. I feel like He has been placing people in my life to encourage me, and that He has really been using little things in my days to remind me that He loves me. The night that I fell during Orientation Week was actually amazing. Orientation Staff had been doing a Field Fest for the freshmen, getting them to do a lot of fun games and helping them have fun and get to know each other. I fell at the very end of the night, and immediately knew it was bad. I was really struggling, and in a whole lot of pain. My legs were completely numb, so I was walking around to try to regain feeling. I was honestly worried that I could have fractured my back, or that I would possibly have to go to the hospital, although I was trying not to show it. And as I turned around to walk back to my friends on Orientation Staff, I saw them all gathered in a huddle, praying. To see a group of Christian and non-Christian college students immediately begin to pray was unbelievable. Where in the world will you truly find a group of people whose first instinct is to pray when bad things happen? I know that I do not do that enough. I had not yet cried from the pain, but that sight just broke me. It was so powerful, and touching.

I felt like that exact moment was the Lord giving me a glimpse of something bigger.  Maybe bad things happen simply to push people to prayer. Maybe that is why we often feel so helpless and why life is so hard. To remind us that we can’t fix everything on our own.  It was a major reminder to me that my plans aren’t always the best plans. I would have never chosen to fall, but the Lord had bigger things planned for that night. It is crazy to think about.

“However the Lord your God would not listen to [evil] but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.” –Deuteronomy 23:5 (I just flipped to this verse when looking for a verse to end this post with. How great is that?)

One Year as a Blogger

As of today, I have officially been blogging for one year. It is wonderful for me to look back over all of the entries, remembering the emotions that went along with each stage.My parents and I were looking through some of the entries yesterday and inserting our memories with it all. "Oh, that was the stage I cried almost every day." Or, "Oh, that was such an exciting time!" There have been many ups and many downs along the way, but now it is powerful for me to remember the day I started this blog, and realize how my life has evolved since then. I had no idea what the upcoming year held for me, just like I don't know what senior year will hold. So much has changed (mostly all for the better!) and I am grateful that starting this school year does not have the fear and uncertainty that last year did. The Lord has shown me (and continues to show me) that hard times won't last forever, and that He is faithful through the good and the bad.

"Wait for the Lord. Be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Back from France, Back to School

Well, I am back from France. And it was perfect. Tons of great food, beautiful places, and speaking French. Here are a few more pictures from the last part of the trip!

   

Chateau Chenonceau

 

Clos Lucé where Leonardo da Vinci lived

 

Rousillon

Pont du Gard

 Avignon

 Monaco

Beaches in Nice

View from Chateau Amboise

Lavender

It is crazy to be back, and I definitely think Mom and I have experienced a bit of culture shock. Jet lag made me tired for a few days at odd hours, but now I am all back to normal. My obsession with France has grown exponentially, which is a bit frightening considering how obsessed I was before the trip. I feel so blessed to have been able to do this, and I still simply in awe at what a perfect summer it has been. The combination of living in Greenville and going to France made for one of the best summers I've ever had, and I know that I appreciate more due to the contrast from last summer.

I leave for school in a few days, which is absolutely crazy. This summer has flown by. Everything about it has been wonderful, and I can't picture it being any better. I'm excited to get back to school, and begin another year. After last fall, and feeling so sick most of the time, I am SO excited to start the year feeling well. I feel fresh and ready to start, and not tired and sickly like last year. God is good, and I know He will do wonderful and amazing things this upcoming school year! 

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever!" Psalm 107:1

From the Country of Man Capris...

Well these past few days in France have been incredible!
Mom arrived on Friday, so we spent a few more days in Paris, where I got to see a friend who I haven't seen in years. Then we took a train to Rouen for a day, and now we are in Bayeux. Tomorrow afternoon we will go back to Paris, to celebrate Bastille Day in the capital, and then go on to the Loire Valley.
Rouen was wonderful. It was nice to get out of such a big city, and see a place that is a little more calm. We stayed at such a cute hotel in Rouen, which was right beside the huge cathedral. And I loved getting to see all the Joan of Arc stuff around the city!

And Bayeux has been one of my favorite things so far! Truly, I feel like I could just stay here forever. It is tiny, but very quiet and clean, and everyone is so nice. Mom and I have had so much fun just walking up and down the streets, taking pictures of all the flowers and pretty buildings. And the cathedral here is my favorite out of the ones that I have seen. We went there yesterday, and it was bright and welcoming, unlike some of the ones which are dark and dreary. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but this cathedral just felt alive.
As I was sitting in a chair looking at the ceiling and stained glass windows, a man who worked in the cathedral approached me. He handed me a candle, telling me it was a gift to remember the church. On it, the candle said, "N'ayez pas peur" which means "Don't be afraid." It was incredibly moving, and I felt like I was supposed to have that, and that that man who did not know me at all, and didn't even speak my same language, was supposed to give me that reminder. It was powerful.
We wanted to go see the Normandy beaches today, but it was pouring down rain, so we opted out of that. Also, neither one of us brought jackets, so that also played a major role in our decision. But we were both perfectly content to just have a slow day in Bayeux!

Mom and I are doing well. We are always laughing as we are constantly discovering the different ways the French do things. (For example, internet access. Our hotel advertises free wifi, and yet when it would not work for us, they then mentioned that only ten people in the hotel can be on at one time. Or public bathrooms, which are often closed on Sundays. Or restaurants that don't even open until 7 or 8 PM. Also really fancy restaurants do not have any policy against animals in the restaurant. So we had a nice dinner in Rouen with a dog under the table next to us.) It is so fun, and definitely an adventure as we travel around. I'm convinced we only know what we are doing half the time, but that is the fun of it! 

Hopefully there will be more posts to come, but of course, it all depends on the internet! 

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution He will come to save you." Then the eyes of the blind will be opened, the ears of the deaf be unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert." -Isaiah 35: 3-6

Paris!

Bonjour from Paris!
It has been a fantastic first few days here! I am just completely in love with this city. Everything here is so beautiful. I have loved having no schedule, and just a week of free time to explore at my own pace, and live like a Parisian. My hotel is just a fifteen minute walk from the Eiffel Tower, and right by the market street Rue Cler, where they have open markets every day, selling everything from cheese and raspberries to chocolate and roses. It has been SO fun for me to practice my French, and everyone has been really nice helping me. I haven't taken French in a year and a half, so I was definitely pretty rusty, but I feel like it is all coming back to me, and I am getting more confident the more I speak it.
It was definitely an adventure for me to get here, complete with a two hour drive to Charlotte, two shuttles, an eight hour flight (seated next to a mother/daughter pair who insisted on only yelling to each other with headphones on and a crying baby), a train into Paris, and two metro rides. Which only got better when I realized that my map did not have the street for my hotel on it. So I wandered around, lugging my suitcase for about 45 minutes, trying to find my hotel. I was about to sit on the side of the street to beg for a map when finally the nicest French couple helped me, and walked me to my hotel (which of course was in the opposite direction from where I was going on my own). But I arrived, and it was an adventure!
It is amazing to me how many tourists are here! I swear I have heard every single language spoken in the four days I've been here. I went to the Louvre today, and it was packed wall-to-wall with tourists, all pushing to get better views of the famous art. And yesterday I had to wait almost two hours to even go through the security line before getting my ticket for the Musee D'Orsay. But it is fun seeing people from literally all over the world in one place.
Here are a few pictures from the first few days! More to come!

Mom arrives the day after tomorrow, and it will be so fun to have her here! I will try to keep updating this, so that everyone can see pictures of my adventures! :)

"He is your praise and He is your God, who has done these great and awesome things for you which your eyes have seen." -Deuteronomy 10:21 

Many Comparisons (and France!)

It has been forever since I last blogged. So right now, as I sit in the Infusion Room at Cancer Center of the Carolinas to get my back medicine, I thought it would be a good time. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about comparisons, and how different people treat me.

When I was home a few weeks ago for Chris’s graduation from Collegiate (yay Chris!), I was thinking a lot about the differences between Richmond and Greenville. Richmond is always extremely aware of my cancer. Whenever I am home, people are always coming up to me, asking how I’m feeling, and telling me that they’ve been praying for me. I think that it is because I was in Richmond when I was at my worst. People there saw me when I was emaciated and getting pushed around in a wheelchair. They saw how bad I was last summer, and seem relieved when they see me looking healthy.

Most people in Greenville never saw that. When they heard that I was sick, I was already home, and then they did not see me until I was much better when I returned in the fall. And when I came back to Furman, I wanted so desperately to be normal that I was able to put on a happy face even when I felt completely miserable. So, I think that when I returned to Furman, a lot of people there assumed I was totally fine. Both places have been a wonderful support for me, but it is always interesting for me to see how they respond in different ways. Sometimes both environments can be hard, but most of the time they are both just what I need.

Another comparison that I have noticed so clearly has to do with age. Adults don’t ever seem to fear asking me how I am doing, or mentioning my cancer. They aren’t afraid of discussing hard topics, and genuinely want to know how I am doing. College kids aren’t like that, for the most part.  (I realize this is a generalization, so if you are a college student who isn’t like this, don’t worry!) Outside of my closest friends, people don’t ask questions about my cancer. I think they fear that they will make me upset, or that I will just burst into tears if you mention it. Or they fear that they are reminding me of something that I have forgotten. Both are not the case. In fact, I am always touched when people ask me how I am doing, or try to understand my cancer better, because it shows that they care.

I think that adults have grown more used to dealing with hard situations. Or they have had hard situations of their own, and better know how to react. College students haven’t seen enough issues like this to know how to react, and I think that they often choose the safe road by not reacting. Or they just don’t know what to say. Which is fine, because I realize that I would probably do exactly the same thing if I were on the other side. Sometimes it can be really hard though.

On a completely different note, I leave for France in a week!! While I am there, I am hoping to be able to at least post some pictures on the blog, to show my travels. At first, when I was thinking about it, I wasn’t sure if that was odd, to post about my trip on a blog where I primarily talk about sickness. But then I realized that the title of my blog is “the shadow proves the sunshine”. And this is a direct example of the sunshine in my life. I am going to France. And I have no doubt that the trip will be so much more incredible because of all the hard times I’ve had. So, over the next month, hopefully I can post pictures, and tell everyone how amazing France is!

Thanks for all the prayers!  And thank you for sharing in my excitement about my trip! I can’t wait to be there, and start the adventures! 

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you, and protect you from the evil one... May the Lord continue to direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." -2 Thessalonians 3:3,5

More Music

I wanted to post two more songs that I touched me recently. I know I talked about this before, but music always has the ability to speak to me in a way that ordinary words cannot. Hopefully these songs will do the same for you!

This first song is one that I heard soon after getting diagnosed, and I clearly remember hearing it for the first time and simply bursting into tears. The lyrics are amazing, and it spoke directly to my heart. And then in May 2010, I had a healing and prayer service at Hope Church. It was incredibly powerful, and I got to have so many people who I love so dearly surround me and pray specifically for my healing. It was one of the most powerful events I have ever been apart of, and was so touching to see friends and family gather together in prayer for me. It gives me chills just to remember it.

[And He'll break open the skies to save those who cry out His name. The One the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you.]

And this other song is one I heard for the first time only a few months ago. But it moved me just as deeply. We sang it in church at Newspring, and the words are so powerful. I could not get it out of my head for days. And since then it has had this wonderful trend of popping up on my iTunes just when I really need to hear it. 

[I may be weak, but Your spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God You never will.]

No Escape

Sorry for the lack of posts this month! Summer so far has been wonderful, but incredibly busy. And the house that I am living in does not have any internet, so posting has become a bit more difficult. But so far the summer has been filled with so many fantastic things. My friends from Richmond came to visit this weekend, which was perfect. And I have been able to have great times with friends and fun adventures already while I've been here. And hopefully there are many more to come! But I'm sorry for the lack of posts, and will try to continue to write whenever I have the chance (and internet).
Recently I have been feeling so tired of cancer. It is funny, because I no longer feel sick, but I am daily getting frustrated that it exists at all. Sometimes I feel like I can't escape it, and like it is impossible for me to forget about it, even when I so desperately want to. My friend's dad was diagnosed with terrible cancer this past week, and it broke my heart. I also heard about a girl my age in Richmond who has cancer, and about another Furman girl whose mom passed away from cancer this week. Every time I hear bad news related to cancer, it devastates me. I hurt for these people who I don't even know, simply because we have the bond of cancer. And I can imagine so much of what they are having to go through. I can picture the diagnosis and the tears, the doctors' offices and the shots and the scans. And it breaks my heart. I just get so angry that anyone has to experience it or deal with it.
I have also recently noticed that movies and tv shows love to incorporate cancer. If they ever want a character to die, it seems like they are always using cancer (or a car accident). Maybe that just means that I need to be more careful about the things that I watch, but sometimes I don't see it coming. Even shows as fun and innocent as Modern Family will mention it, or have an episode centered around it. Cancer is just hard to escape.
It is not all bad though. Cancer has given me a new level of empathy. I am able to reach out to those who are hurting from cancer, and give them encouragement. And it pushes me to pray for those people who are affected by it. Maybe this just means that the Lord is pushing me to do something with cancer in the future, and that there is a reason that I am continually feeling angry towards this disease. I'm not sure, but this has just been on my mind a lot recently, so I felt like I should write about it.
On a completely unrelated note, my flights to France are booked!! I will be there from July 2 to July 23. I have been working on planning the trip the past few weeks, and I am SO excited. It will be such a wonderful adventure, and I cannot wait!!

"For you, O God, have tested us; You have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; You laid a crushing burden on our backs; You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water yet You have brought us out into a place of abundance." Psalm 66:10-12

And So Summer Begins...

Well, I got good news! The scans showed that there was no spread, and no change from the scans that I had in January. It was such a wonderful blessing to hear this, and now I feel like summer has officially begun. Part of me thought something was going to be wrong on these scans. It is odd, but once you get diagnosed with cancer, every little ache or pain is scary. Every time my back hurts, it could mean there is spread. Every time my chest hurts from anxiety, it could be a spread. Every time I get a headache, it could be a spread. Every little thing makes me paranoid. And since the doctors keep telling me that it could metastasize anytime now, I live in this constant fear of hearing the word "spread". So I was worried that these were not going to be good, but they were. Praise the Lord! He made it happen, and gave me the blessing of this wonderful summer ahead of me.
I was beyond excited when I heard. I almost cried when I saw my friends and got to tell them the fantastic news. Now I can start planning my trip to France! And I can finally relax. No more medicine for three months. It seems too good to be true. My heart felt like it could burst with happiness.
But then, once the news had set in, I became overwhelmingly tired. Emotionally tired. It is so hard living from scan to scan. I always have the threat of the next set of scans looming over me. I am always aware of cancer, or worried about a spread. And simply the thought of having to continue this cycle of scans for years makes me weary. Sometimes it is hard to believe that this is my life.
So yesterday was a roller coaster. It was filled with the joys of summer, and hope, and life, but also filled with a sense of inner exhaustion. But the overriding feeling was definitely excitement. Now my summer has started, and good times are ahead!

"I came so that they may have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever could have dreamed of." -John 10:10 (The Message)

Waiting

I had another set of scans today. They always stress me out, but these definitely did more than most. I have been off of my medicine since January, and so these scans are a really big deal. If there is no spread, then that is wonderful news. But if there is spread, then it would definitely change my summer plans, because I would have to go back on medicine, or worse. I hate feeling like I have to live from scan-to-scan. And now that I know what it feels like to be healthy, I am scared to lose that feeling, and scared to go back to feeling perpetually sick.
I also have the most wonderful summer ahead of me. I seriously do not think I could be more excited. For May and June, I will be staying in Greenville, and babysitting for a bunch of families with the most precious children. I'll be living in a really cute house with two of my friends, and a ton of other friends will be living here this summer. So I am hoping to use those months to get to do all of the fun things around Greenville that I don't have time to do during the year. I think it will be incredible.
And then in July, I am going to.... FRANCE! I have been waiting to blog about this because I wanted to be certain about it. But I am going to go with my mom for two and a half weeks, and travel all around the country. I don't even think I can find the words to show my excitement right now. I would have to type in all caps and with thousands of exclamation points to even show a fraction of it.
Needless to say, I honestly feel like I have the most exciting summer ever ahead of me. It almost doesn't seem real. I think that that is why I am extra nervous about these scans. Because I don't want anything to change these plans. I don't want any bad news. Sometimes it is scary to hope.
But I am choosing to hope nonetheless, and to move forward with confidence that everything will be okay. I should get results of the scans in the next few days. Pray that there is no spread, so that I can continue to stay off of medicine, and so that I can continue to gain strength and feel alive. But for now I am just waiting to hear results, and praying that nothing has changed so that I can start my wonderful summer free of fear or sadness.

"Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:14

"Here my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly." -Psalm 5:3-4

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield." -Psalm 33:20

LDOC

Today is my last day of classes, and I am amazed. I survived through a year of school with cancer. In the beginning, I remember that everyone thought I was crazy. Parents in Richmond would shake their heads with worry when I told them I was returning to Furman. When we met with my doctor before I left for school, he looked my parents right in the eyes and told them, “If she was my daughter, I would not let her go back to school.”

But I went anyway. Despite all the looks and discouragement, I went. And praise the Lord that I did. Because this year has been filled with blessings. There have been incredibly challenging moments. Nights of studying when I honestly didn’t think I could make it. Doctor’s appointments where I just wanted to go home. Tears of frustration. But through it all there has been joy. There have been moments where I have been so happy, I felt like my heart would burst. There have been moments when I forget I have cancer. And that has made all the difference.

“Let love be genuine…Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer.” –Romans 12:9, 12

Easter Memories

Happy Easter! What an encouraging day. I spent the day at Hope Church and with my family, which was perfect. The weather was beautiful, and it was wonderful to be surrounded by so many people I love.

I also couldn’t help but think about where I was this time last year. I feel like I do this a lot now. Since it has been more than one year, I am constantly being reminded of where I was last year, what surgery I was having, or how sick I was.

Today I was constantly reminded of how far I’ve come.  Easter was early last year, and so I had only been out of the hospital a few weeks after surgery to remove my kidney. And I was in bad shape. I was incredibly sick and exhausted, unable to keep down a single meal or do any physical activity. I was still taking a ridiculous amount of painkillers, which were hardly helping, and were only making me more sick everyday. Last year I was unable to go to church at all because I was too weak and exhausted to leave my house. The whole family came over for lunch though. Right as I was about to walk downstairs to see them, I got really sick, but still brushed my teeth and went down to see them anyway, despite feeling miserable. I remember that I could barely sit for forty-five minutes in a chair, before I had to be taken back upstairs to lie down again. Little did I know that I still had some of the hardest days ahead of me, with the surgery to put in my port, two weeks of radiation and numerous heart-wrenching doctors appointments. Even on such a joyous holiday, it didn’t feel like there was much worth celebrating.

But praise the Lord this Easter was different, and provided a stark contrast to the sadness of last year. Today I felt happy and alive. And it was powerful for me to sit back and realize what this day truly signifies.

Because of Christ, when we die it is not the end. I have cancer. But no matter what happens, I can rest in confidence knowing that everything will be okay. Christ defeated death, so that we don’t have to die forever or be afraid, because the battle has been won! 

“No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me. From life’s first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand, til He returns, or calls me home, here in the love of Christ I’ll stand.”

So, when I become afraid or unsure, I can rest in faith and assurance that the Lord has already won. I will one day stand triumphant, with no more cancer, or sickness, or tears, and the world will be new and beautiful. And whether that day is soon or far in the future, I do not know. But in the midst of the chaos and pain, what I do know is that God is good, and God is victorious. Praise the Lord. 

“Death is swallowed up in victory. Oh death, where is your victory? Oh death where is your sting?” -1 Corinthians 15: 54-55

Simply Beautiful

Despite all the work I've had as the semester comes to an end, it is amazing to just walk around campus and watch as everything blooms! It is simply beautiful. 

This is my all-time favorite view of Furman. So beautiful!
Tomorrow I am heading home for Easter! I cannot wait to get a break from the incessant work, and to be at home for the first time since Christmas Break. It is such a happy season!

"Your God is present among you, a strong warrior there to save you. Happy to have your back, He'll calm you with His love and delight you with His songs." Zephaniah 3:17

Rarely Used Phrases

Life has been really good the past few weeks. Wow, how often do I get to start a post like that? It is wonderful. As the seasons are changing, and everything is in bloom, I have felt this newfound energy and joy. I could not be more excited and overjoyed at the warm weather, beautiful flowers, and spring days. This semester is coming to a close so quickly, and I feel like time has flown!
I talked to my doctor the other week, and it was great (also a rare thing for me to ever say). She agreed with  me that I should not go back on medicine until it is absolutely necessary. So we decided that I will not go on any type of intense medicine again until my cancer spreads. Which is wonderful. I don't know when my cancer will spread, but until it does, I am free.
I have scans in a few weeks, and if they show that nothing has changed, then I will automatically have the next three months free of medicine! I am still trying to figure out my summer plans, but that would open up so many opportunities if I do not have to worry about medicine each day. I am praying that the scans are good, and that I can have more months of freedom.
I am trying to really take advantage of these days. With this past year, I have gotten this newfound urgency in life. I want to experience everything, and I don't want to waste a single day. I don't ever want to look back on the days that I felt well, and wonder why I didn't use them. So even though these weeks are intensely busy as the semester is ending, I am trying to also pack them with fun and adventures.
I have more moments now when I forget that I have cancer. This whole past year those moments have been few and far between, mainly because I have always been feeling sick. Being sick or being in pain has always been a nagging reminder that something isn't quite right. But now, with most of the pain gone and the sickness subsided, there are moments when I can forget. And when I feel like any other normal college girl. And I love that.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills- Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber... The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life." -Psalm 121:1-3, 6-7

Decisions, Decisions

Wow, long time, no post.
This past month has been crazy, with Spring Break, midterms, and tons of other school things as the year comes to an end. I haven't been on any medicine since January, so it has been wonderful having the past few weeks to feel well. The first two months of this semester I was still feeling miserable because of the long-lasting effects of the medicine, but for this past month, I have been feeling practically normal! It is fantastic, and has allowed me to do fun things like a normal college student, and to really take advantage of the beautiful spring weather. So while all the past few weeks have been packed with school work, they have also been filled with joyful occasions, like dances, intramural games, and lots of Kappa Delta events.

 And so while there have definitely been hard days, and even hard weeks, overall, it has a joyful past few weeks. There is a freedom that comes with not having to take horrible medicine everyday.
But pretty soon I am going to have to decide what the next step will be. I can't continue to stay on the original medicine, because it was too hard on my body. So either I will choose to find a new medicine to try, or to stay off medicine until something happens.
People's first instinct is usually that of course I should do the most aggressive option, and stay on medicine, but unfortunately, it is not that simple. Finding a new medicine means weeks and months of trial and error with dosage, feeling constantly sick, and numerous doctors appointments. And the doctors have told me that eventually the cancer will spread, even with the most aggressive treatments. The medicine will just hold it off longer. So starting on a new medicine means committing to months of feeling miserable.
But if I were to stay off of medicine until there is a spread, I would have time to feel practically normal. And then I could go on the aggressive treatments when something changes. It just means that the spread could happen sooner.
It is just a hard decision because there is no right answer. There are pros and cons to both choices. All I know now is that I love how I have felt the past few weeks, and I want this to last as long as possible. So that is what I have been thinking about this past week, and what I will hopefully make a decision on in this coming week. It is just feels like a very adult decision for me to be making.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" Isaiah 30:21

"Music Is an Outburst of the Soul"

"Beautiful Things" by Gungor
Out of chaos life is being found in You. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us.

"Garden" by Needtobreathe (the two guys in this video went to Furman!!)
Let the songs I sing bring joy to You. Let the words I say profess my love. Let the notes I choose be Your favorite tune. Father let my heart be after You. 

365 Days of Cancer

Today had a lot of potential to be really hard for me. This whole week I have been a bit stressed, not only from the looming midterms, but also from the nagging reminders of what week it was. Everyday would trigger a memory. Wednesday night was the night last year in which I lay on my futon all night, watching the minutes tick by, in so much pain that I was unable to sleep. Yesterday was the day that my mom drove down from Richmond to take care of me. And today was the day of my first ever MRI. And one year ago today was the day that I was told I had cancer. I feel like I have been haunted by the memories this week. I can't get them out of my head. Scenes keep playing over and over in my mind, refusing to leave me alone.

I remember every moment of the appointment when I found out I had cancer. I remember telling a few of my friends that night, and the looks on their faces when they heard the news. I remember leaving Greenville and not knowing when I would ever get to come back. I remember getting wheeled into the hospital in Richmond a few days later and being taken to the Oncology floor for the first time. I remember March 8th, the day that they told me they thought I had kidney cancer and that there was no cure. I remember the doctors appointment when they confirmed it was kidney cancer, and I cried solely because it meant I could not go to France. I remember going in for my nephrectomy March 14, and some moments of the following week in the hospital. I remember a doctor coming in right when I was out of my surgery and telling me that he thought I would need emergency back surgery because my spine was so unstable (although praise the Lord that was never necessary).  The next two months were the darkest days of my entire life, with unimaginable weakness, nausea, fatigue and pain. The two weeks of radiation in April. The daily visits to the hospital in Richmond, and the frequent unexpected visits to the ER. I remember getting my port put in my chest. I remember having to go to the Virginia Cancer Institute every other day for infusions to keep me from getting too dehydrated because I was always so nauseous. I remember going up to UVA to talk with the doctor about the treatment Interleukin II, and then months later getting the call that told me I no longer qualified for the treatment. I remember going up to NIH in DC, and being forced to go to 25 doctors in a week, get every type of scan and being terrified by the intense offices and sick patients everywhere. And even more recently, I remember the miserable feeling of being sick at school, having to take tests when you feel like you are about to get sick or making myself go socialize with people even when I feel so exhausted I could fall over.

But I remember the good times too. I remember coming home from my surgery to find my room redecorated by my family and friends. I remember the stacks of cards and notes that would come for me every day in the mail, reminding me of the support that I have even on the hardest of days. I remember Chris and Alex coming into my room to watch mindless TV shows with me, and making me care packages for my days in the hospital. I remember when my friends would come to visit. I remember when I was first able to go outside and sit in the beautiful weather. I remember the first Sunday that I was able to go to Hope Church, and how it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I remember driving back to Furman, and the overwhelming joy that encompassed my whole being. I remember being on the Homecoming court, and what an honor it was to be able to stand in front of my peers on the field, knowing how much they love and support me.

This year has been very full of bad times, pain and hardships. But there have been wonderful blessings as well. I can honestly say that I think I have experienced a type of love hardly anyone my age has. I have received so many cards and emails from complete strangers, encouraging me and telling me that they pray for me daily. My sorority made "Team Perrin" shirts for me, and when I see people wearing them here at school I am reminded so vividly of the support that I have. My aunt, brother and friends made purple bracelets for my friends to wear, reminding people to pray and reminding me how much people love me. I have decided to wear mine until the day I get well, and I never take it off because it reminds me everyday that I am not alone. People have sent me flowers and made me blankets and every other kind and wonderful gift you can imagine. People have poured out support for me, and loved me when I was too weak to give anything in return. I have heard from people all over the world, in China, Nicaragua, Italy, and the Dominican Republic who are praying for me. Wow God is big! The list of kindnesses from this past year could truly go on and on, and I can never begin to explain how grateful I am for the unconditional love that I've witnessed towards both me and my family.

And in this one year I have learned more big life lessons than I thought possible. Yet I feel I have so many more to still grasp. I have learned what it means to cling to the Lord when literally everything in your life starts falling apart. I have learned the value of family, and seen how amazing and wonderful they truly are. I have a renewed thankfulness for my friends, who have been there for me through thick and thin. I have seen the value of making bad days better, and forcing yourself to look at the positive. My levels of empathy have grown, especially for other cancer patients. But I have also seen that no one is invincible, and that even though college students live as if they have forever, life can quickly change. I am grateful for the sky and the sun and the beauty of spring. Grateful for the days when I feel strong enough to dance or walk to class. Grateful that I can now eat without being sick. I am more grateful for the little things in life, a lesson I never would have learned without the pain of cancer.

Someone asked me a while ago if I would change my cancer. If I were omnipotent, would I take away this past year? And honestly my first thought was no, I wouldn't. Cancer has shown me how strong I really am, and has completely changed me. And although many people don't immediately see that change, I feel it in me. I feel like a completely different person than I was a year ago, and I wouldn't want to go back to that other person. Now granted I would change my cancer for tomorrow, and make me better for the future if I were omnipotent. But as for yesterday and today, I would not make it any different.

So although today had potential to be really hard for me, in so many ways it turned out to be a blessing. Today has been a major milestone for me. 365 days of cancer. One year. But today I saw so clearly the love that surrounds me. My friends wore "Team Perrin" shirts around school today. People sent me flowers and cards and emails of encouragement. My friends came up and gave me hugs today as soon as they saw me. My friends and family turned today into a day of celebration, rather than a day of mourning, and I am so grateful for that. Praise the Lord for today, for how far I've come in a year, and for the upcoming year. God is good, even when times seem unbearable. And I am grateful for that.

Sorry for the long post today, and excess of thoughts and memories. But I wanted to document everything, and remember the thoughts that have been filling my mind today. I leave tomorrow for Destin for Spring Break! I am excited to get a week away from school and work, and hopefully to have some relaxing time on the beach! Thanks for all of the love and prayers today. You have taken a hard day and made it a blessing, and I am so grateful for that!

"But when Jesus heard [that Lazarus was sick] he said, "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'" -John 11:4

Be Careful What You Wish For

 I am a compulsive journaler. Writing is an outlet for me, and for years I have kept journals, not to detail the minute details of each day, but rather to express my thoughts and sort through life on a piece of paper. Tonight I pulled out my journal from last year, just to see what I had written. And although I would never normally share my journal with anyone, much less with everyone who chooses to read my blog, I thought that this was an appropriate exception. I wrote this exactly 16 days before I was diagnosed with cancer:

"Sometimes I worry that I am going to miss out on life's great adventure. I feel like one day I will blink and my chance will be gone. People always say, "Live like today is your last day." Am I doing that?What would I do if I truly felt like each day was a precious gift?
I have this deep longing within me to be a part of some great adventure. I never want to look back and have any regrets... I think I am on a road of continually learning what it means to trust God with the big picture of my life. I simply need to have faith, and trust His unknown plans."


And I promise that that is a direct quote. You would think I knew what was coming. That in a mere 16 days I would be faced with that single moment where one part of your life ends and another begins. And in 16 days I would become a cancer patient. Pretty soon I would get a major dose of adventure, but not in the way I ever expected.

Five days later, I wrote a quote from a sermon that David Dwight preached. "Hope is hearing the music of the future. Faith is dancing to it now."

And four days after that, I took notes on a talk at RUF about "What do we do when life gets difficult?"


It is funny to look back and see that God was preparing me for what was coming. It makes me cringe now though, because I know that when I was writing those words, I had no idea what they would later mean.

I think I will have more frequent posts this week. Right now my mind simply can't seem to turn off. It is replaying scenes and conversations over and over from this past year. So as I am thinking and processing everything, I will try to share that on my blog. It has been almost one year with cancer.

"You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth You will bring me up again." Psalm 71:20

This Time Last Year...

I once read that the day you hear the words "you have cancer" is the day that you become a survivor. March 4th I will be a one year kidney cancer survivor. 

Last year at this time, I went to the orthopedic surgeon about the extreme pain in my back. My legs were frequently going numb, and my back was excruciating, the worst it had ever been. The doctor told me he was sure it was a herniated disk, but that I needed to get an MRI, just in case. So then after the MRI on March 4, 2010, I heard the dreaded words "you have cancer", and my life immediately flipped upside down. 

All through this semester I have found myself thinking, "This time last year I didn't know I had cancer" or "This time last year everything was normal." It is scary to think about how much has happened in this past year. But I guess rather than thinking about how much has gone wrong in one year, I should make myself focus on how far I have come. I am almost a one year cancer survivor. 

"And Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.'" Exodus 14:13

Life Lessons

A few weeks ago Newspring Church had a series on "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People", and although I wasn't able to make it to the actual services, I just finished listening to them online, and it was incredibly powerful. Here are a few points from the sermons that I really liked:

• With Christ in you, you will no longer be identified by tragedy, but you will be identified by triumph. God transforms our tragedy to His triumph. 
• God does not punish His children, but instead He prepares them for what is ahead. 
• Don't waste your pain. God has a purpose for it. 
• The phrase "fear not" is in the Bible 366 times (once for every day of the year plus one!)
• God might not immediately deliver you from tragedy, but He promises to always walk with you through it. 
• Are we going to allow circumstances to determine our belief in God? Or are we going to allow our belief in God to reign over our circumstances?

Then the pastor, Perry Noble, had people give their testimonies. The first one given was from a man who was diagnosed with cancer twice, and who was dying. He said, "If God chooses to heal me, then God is God and God is good. If God chooses not to heal me, and I die, then God is still God and God is still good." Powerful words. 

These notes encouraged me greatly, and so I wanted to share them. Because they don't just apply to life with cancer. It can apply to whatever someone is dealing with in life. God is making all things new, and He promises to make everything beautiful in its time. 

"God has made everything beautiful in its time. He has set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Sad Yet Encouraged

This past week has been really hard. About a week ago, I started feeling better for the first time in six weeks. But right as soon as I began to feel better, other things started messing up. As soon as I began to feel awake during the day, I stopped sleeping well at night. And yesterday I had to spend the whole day in bed sick with a fever and migraine. I'm all better now, but exhausted.

I also received some hard news a few days ago. Because of having to drop out last spring and having to underload this whole year, I am now behind academically. My academic advisor told me that unless I want to completely run myself into the ground, there is no way that I will be able to finish all of my classes in time. The scheduling is all complicated, but my advisor told me that I will have to graduate in spring 2013, instead of spring 2012. It was very hard for me to hear. I've always pictured myself graduating with my class, and walking across that stage with all of my friends. But no matter how much I want that, that door has been closed for me now. And that is really hard.

I am not very good at handling when things don't go according to my plan. I like having a set schedule, and I like having some idea of what is coming next. But if this year has taught me anything, it is that I can't always plan my own future. I can set goals and have dreams, but I need to be willing to adjust when life takes an unexpected turn. It is a tough lesson to learn from experience when you are only twenty-one.

When I was venting to my roommate after finding out this news, she reminded me of a wonderful story. The story of Joseph. Joseph had everything going for him. And then all of a sudden, without warning, life turned on him. He was sold into slavery and thrown in jail. The dreams he had pictured for his life were destroyed, and doors were closed. But in the end, all of that bad stuff happened so that God could fulfill His amazing purpose for Joseph. And all the negative circumstances of his life allowed Joseph to rise to be a picture of triumph. Joseph could have never imagined the plan God had for him. But in the end, it all worked out.

So even though it feels like everything has been falling apart this past year, I have to believe that there is a plan behind it all. And to be honest, sometimes that is really hard for me to believe that when life around me seems so painful and chaotic. But there is a plan. And maybe, like Joseph, I have to go through the hard times to be led to the plan God has for me that I never could have imagined.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." -1 Corinthians 16:13-14

The Good and the Bad

The Good- My scans were good! They showed that since Thanksgiving, there has been no new spread of my cancer. What a blessing!

The Not-So-Good - These past five or so weeks have been really hard. Some of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time, to be honest. I have felt so weak and tired, and never feel like I can catch up. Exhaustion has become my constant companion. It is more than simply physical exhaustion. A nap won't make it go away. It is mental and emotional exhaustion too. And everywhere I go, I am tired. My blood counts are low, and blood work just showed that I am now anemic (meaning I am not getting enough iron intake), which are both adding to my exhaustion. The doctors are running tests to see if there is something else going on making me sick in addition to tired, because for weeks now I have felt bad, which is not normal. But at least the scans are good, so I know that my sickness is not a result of spread.

I also had to drop a class last week. Within two weeks of classes, I was very clearly able to recognize that my goal of taking a full course load this term was impossible. I had hoped that I would be able to handle it, but I definitely was not. So now I am down to three classes instead of four, and hoping that that will make a difference. But this is also throwing me off track for graduation. I got behind last spring because I had to drop out in the middle of the term when I was diagnosed. So going into this semester, I was eight credits short to graduate on time. But now that I have dropped another class, I am up to twelve credits short. I am looking into taking summer school all summer to catch up, but that will be a challenge. My goal with being back at school has been to graduate with my class. I want to walk across the stage at graduation with all of my friends around me. I don't know if that is going to be possible, but only time will tell. For now I just have to keep pressing forward towards that goal.

I am also feeling myself getting antsy here. This time last year I pictured everything being so different. I could have never foreseen this coming. And it is so hard for me to cope as I have watched doors being closed. I wanted to be living a life of adventures. And while this journey is an adventure, it is in no way what I had in mind. I want so desperately to travel and see the world. And while so many of my friends are doing just that through various study abroad trips, it is hard to not have that opportunity anymore. I have to tell myself that my day will come, and that one day I will be able to travel everywhere, but it is tough because I know that day won't be soon. I just have to wait patiently.

On another note, I have realized something about myself these past few weeks. I am very good at faking how I'm feeling. I think that people are going to read that, and interpret it as I lie about how I feel, but that is not it. It is more that I have become good at pushing through and putting a smile on my face no matter how I feel on the inside. I don't think this is all bad or all good. I don't want people worrying about me or feeling sorry for me. And by pushing through and trying to be normal, I can almost make myself feel more normal, and less sick. But at the same time, it can be bad. I think a lot of people assume that I am all better, or that cancer is no longer an issue for me. And that is hard because it is still so much of an issue, and still constantly on my mind, even if that is not immediately apparent. I'm harder to read than I used to be. I try to always be honest when people directly ask me how I am feeling. But I don't really like to wear it on my sleeve. Sometimes that is a challenge, and I think that I need to let people in more, and admit more readily when life is tough.

More Good- Through these past few weeks of exhaustion, weariness and soul-searching, my friends have been amazing. Sometimes it feels like my sanity is hanging by a thread. But my friends have been there for me in extraordinary ways, I am so grateful for them. Everything from encouraging texts, to watching movies with me when I feel bad, to long emails/messages of encouragement, to Bible verses posted on my apartment wall, to my friend who is shaving her head to raise money for childhood cancers.  My friends have been wonderful, and have encouraged me when I needed it the most. Everyday I am blown away by the amazing people around me, and grateful God brought them into my life.

So these past weeks have been full of ups and downs, highs and lows. I am praying that I start to feel better soon, and that I am able to get back on track with school and classes. And hopefully the next post I write will have more "good" than "bad".

"I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

More Scans

Sorry I am exhausted and don't have time for a long post tonight. But I just found out that I am getting more scans tomorrow. I am hoping that they will be just as positive as the ones at Thanksgiving! But it is still scary nonetheless. Prayers would be much appreciated!
The past few weeks have been really hard for me, and I have had over five weeks in a row of feeling miserable from the medicine. So I am hoping that I get good news from these scans, and that life begins to take a turn for the better.

"Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will life up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take rest in your safety. You will lie down with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor." -Job 11:13-19

I don't usually let myself get mad. I've always operated this way. I don't like the feeling of being angry, and sometimes even feel like there is something wrong with it. Like I am not supposed to feel that way. I don't like getting mad at people because I hate conflict. And I don't like being mad at circumstances because that won't help make things better.
But the past few days I have been angry at cancer. Mrs. O'Connor passed away yesterday from cancer, and I legitimately got angry. She's the mom of a friend of mine from high school, and went to church with me. Hearing of her death broke my heart. She was always so incredibly encouraging to me every time I would see her in church, and she never failed to have a smile on her face, no matter how she was feeling on the inside. Even in her own sickness, she prayed for me. It hurts me when someone dies from cancer. Physically hurts me.
When I heard about it, I got so angry. Angry that cancer exists and that it brings so many tears. Angry that bad things happen. The Lord promises that "all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His plan" (Romans 2:28). And that "no one who waits on the Lord will ever be put to shame." So right now, I am angry at cancer. And trying to maintain hope that things will get better. That life will not always be this hard. That one day I will look back on this phase of my life and know that their was a purpose behind it all. That the Lord has a plan.

"You who seek God, let your hearts revive!" Psalm 69:32

Frolicking in a Snow Day!

The night after I got into Greenville, we got 8 inches of snow! It is beautiful here! And the first two days of school have been canceled, with the possibility of tomorrow being canceled as well! It has been a wonderful time of getting to be with friends without the classes or work. Such a great start to the new semester. And such a blessing after the past few weeks of hard times. 

"Be strong and take heart, all you whose hope is in the Lord." -Psalm 31:24

Tough Times

The exhaustion hasn't left. I finished my cycle on Monday, and even though I am no longer taking the medicine, I feel like I am only getting worse. And I haven't been eating or sleeping well, which doesn't help. For three weeks now, I have felt simply miserable. The longer this fatigue lasts, the more I get frustrated. I hate that I have felt sick almost the whole time that I've been home. It has made it so much harder to relax and enjoy the vacation.
I laugh because when I tell people I am tired, the most common response is for people to say, "Oh, me too." And I can only laugh... There is no word strong enough to explain this extreme exhaustion.
I go back to Furman on Sunday and start classes on Monday. And I am so excited to be back at school, seeing friends, and getting back into routine. But I am also worried about starting the semester feeling so sick. I guess it is no different than me being so sick last semester, though. It will just be hard.
When I get this tired, I get so frustrated that this is happening. Frustrated that I am not like everyone else around me. Frustrated that to get well, I first have to take medicine that makes me so sick. Frustrated that this time last year, I was planning my study abroad in France and my summer adventures. Frustrated by my limitations. And frustrated that nothing is ever easy. Basically, my physical exhaustion quickly leads to emotional exhaustion. And together, they're a one-two punch.
I hate writing posts like this, because I feel like it makes people so worried about me. I will be okay. But for now, I feel exhausted and frustrated. But hopefully this new semester will be a new start entirely, and that I will be able to start fresh and awake! And I want to write posts like this so that I can push myself to be honest, and not sugarcoat reality. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

But on the bright side, it is snowing!

"Consider it pure joy, my friends, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3

Happy New Year!

I feel like I am having some form of writer's block. Since my last post, I have started at least five new posts, but never been able to get past the second sentence. So I guess this is progress.
The past few days have been tough. I am almost done with this cycle of chemo though, which is good. But I have been completely drained and exhausted this past week. I feel like I am walking around with sandbags tied to me. No matter how much I sleep, I wake up feeling even more exhausted. I am just so run down, and can't catch up. I hate feeling this way. But at least I am almost finished with this cycle, and then I will have a two week break. With all the past doses of the medicine, I haven't been able to take the medicine longer than three weeks, because it has made me so sick. So even though I am sick now, it is definite progress that I have made it this long. But it is still hard. I am just emotionally and physically exhausted right now.
But on a lighter note, Happy New Year! Who knows what this year will bring? This time last year, I had absolutely no idea that all of this would happen. It is such a reminder to me that the Lord is in control of the future. I don't know what is coming in this new year, but I know that God has a plan. So I don't have to be afraid, right? I hope that 2011 will be a turnaround, and that this time next year I will look back at the miracle God brought in 2011 with awe.
Happy 2011! Thanks for all the amazing prayers and support through 2010!

"This is the day [and year] that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" -Psalm 118:24